Saturday, August 21, 2010

Ninjas VS Pirates

Hello my followers! Yes, I know I haven't been around lately, and for that I apologize. My mommy has been busy playing WoW. Just about every waking moment shes on there. I would like to sum up what it was like when I asked my mommy if I could use the computer.

That's exactly what she said! Anyways...
Now that Mommy and Daddy had their anniversary, they have been going out and doing stuff.

So now it is time for me to record some of my adventures! Hang on tight, guys! It's going to be a bumpy ride!!

So I debated long and hard about this one... Ninjas or Pirates? Ninjas or Pirates? I decided to go with pirates for now, and to possibly revisit ninjas in the future.

On Wednesday afternoon, Mommy and Daddy took off to spend an evening out. I decided to take the Bart to San Fransisco. I rented a small boat and headed out into the bay.

I decided, "Hey, I'm going to need a bigger boat if I'm going to be successful at all as a pirate. I also need a crew." I stole myself a cruise ship headed for Mexico, and put everyone down in the cargo hold. Most of the food was down there anyways. I let hostages go once I got to Mexico. I went into a bar in a small town with no name. And began to recruit for my mission. My mission... was to take out the Sea Shephards, and show them what it really means to be a pirate.

I met lots of unusual characters during the recruitment process. But I ended up with nine crew members. Their names are:
Jackman, Black Bart, Nutt de Leon, Squeeks, Neptunes Revenge, Calico Jack, Vicious Frank (not to be confused with my neighbor Frank), Pugwash the Bloody, and my First Mate, Nosegoop.
Here is my crew:

Now that I've got my crew, we need a pirate ship. I want a big one like the Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean. We were able to hitch a ride on an arctic fishing vessel, and we took over the ship. The original crew? Duh! We are pirates here, not media whores! Those bastards walked the plank. I now name this ship the "Turkey of the Sea". Here is our flag:

Now that I've got my ship and my crew, I just need to get down into the Antarctic, and show Paul Watson and the rest of the Sea Shephards exactly what is going on here. Pirates are cold, murdering, brutes, not vegan pansies. I, Captain Feria Furball, shall command the Turkey of the Sea with my crew and bring an end to the Whale Wars! Tonight, we shall dine on whales!!

Continued next time, on my adventures! Ciao for now!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Hello my adoring fans! I apologize for being MIA for the last couple of months, but I have been having the most fun with a game.

A game called The World of Warcraft.

I have been playing every day for about 10 hours a day. My sleep routine has been interrupted and I sleep every moment I am not playing. I really love that game! I have a Tauren character, she is so uber. I am in the best raiding guild on the server. I raid every evening. It has been so much fun. I play a warrior/fighter class. I lead the raid when we go into battle. I have become so good at raiding.

This last week I haven't been able to play my game. My subscription has run out and I haven't been able to get my Mommy's credit card to renew it. I have been bouncing non-stop off the walls. Trying to figure out what to do with myself. I sleep and dream about killing Frank a lot, but I haven't seen Frank outside lately. I think he may have moved.

I am so bored.
So so bored...
I must.
I must raid something! I can't stand this anymore.
Then it came to me.
There is one thing I can do.
There is... one thing... I can RAID!

I must be ever so quiet.
And ever so stealthy.
I am going to raid...

The Fridge!

I did figure out how to open the door. There is turkey in there, after all. Sometimes when I want just the meat, I help myself...
But this time, it was going to be different.
I wanted EVERYTHING in the fridge.

I wait until after Mommy and Daddy to go bed. It is very dark for hoomans, but not for me. I see everything.
I stalk my way into the kitchen and jump up onto the counter. Very carefully I start to shove against the door in just the right spot. The door pops open.

The raid has begun.

I jumped into the fridge, my eyes narrow in focus. I found some turkey, and quickly devoured all of it. I then found some yogurt containers and went for those as well.
Everything was going according to plan, until the jar of mayo fell out onto the floor. Blasted tail! Always betraying me in the worst possible moment!
Mom then awoke from her slumber and aggroed on me.
This picture shows me in my full raiding glory. I was eating spaghetti when this picture was taken.

Well, I suppose there's always another day.
Another day.
Another raid...
I miss World of Warcraft! :(

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Turkey Sammich, please! Just the Meat!

I haven't been able to get outside since my big adventure. Unknowingly to me, my Mommy reads my blog, and grounded me ever since my last adventure. So, since then, I have been a little distracted from my ingenious plans on getting Frank.


I called Subway the other day. I wanted to see if they could make me one of those giant subway sammiches usually for catered events. I needed to get it ordered special... Our conversation went something like this:

"Thank you for calling Subway, this is Ryan. Can I help you?"
"Uh yeah, can I get one of those big sammiches? Like the ones for catered events?"
"Yeah, we can do that. Can I get your name please?"
"Uh yeah, my name is Feria."
"Uh, Feria? How do you spell that?"
"Okay... What kind of meat were you looking for on this sandwich?"
Excitedly I yelped, "Turkey!!"
"Okay, turkey. What kind of cheese?"
"Oh, uh, no cheese."
"Um, no vegetables."
"Mustard? Mayo?"
"No thanks."
"Oh yeah, what kind of bread?"
"Um, no bread, please."
"What do you mean, no bread?"
"I mean what I said. No bread."
"So what, does that mean you just want meat?"
"Yes, please."
"I don't know how to ring that up."
"Well, then find someone who does."
"Okay, hold on a second."
Hold music. The classical music kind.
"Hi this is Eric, the manager. Who am I speaking with?"
"Hi, what exactly is it that you want? Ryan said you wanted one of our catered subs. But that you just wanted meat. Is that right?"
"Well, what kind of bread?"
"No bread, please."
"What do you mean, no bread?"
"I mean, no bread."
"We don't do that here."
"Why is that?"
"We never have. You need to order it on a bread."
"But I don't want bread."
"Listen, I don't have time for this. Are you going to make an order with bread or not?"
"But I don't eat bread. I just want Turkey."
"Why don't you just go buy lunch meat then?"
"Because I'm grounded."
"You're grounded?"
"I don't have time for this. This is obviously a prank call. Goodbye, and don't call back."
"Wait!!" I yelled as I heard that hang up clicky noise.

Seriously how rude can you get! I bet I would have better luck if I tried Togos! I will do just that!

Monday, March 22, 2010

"An Outside Adventure"

I got outside yesterday afternoon. I was hoping to find Frank. Well, needless to say, I got in quite a bit of trouble instead.

I saw this van...

Pretty sweet, huh? Well I looked around and thought, hey, I got my drivers license for driving my barbie car... why not? Just my luck, there were keys in the car, so I just hopped in... I briefly looked around inside, and then started the van. Hm, heres when I got in trouble. The owner came out and stared right at me. Then said "HEY! Get outta there! Scat!"
I was terrified! So, I put the van into drive... Yes, into drive... when I should have put it in reverse. The owner of the van jumped outta the way! I was meowing/screamed in terror as the buildings on either side of the van approached!

A lady carrying a laundry basket threw it in the air and screamed as she lunged out of the way as well. Her basket hit the windshield and covered it with many bright colored clothes. At this point, I couldn't see anything at all. Everything was just a big bright, blurry mess. Then, I saw it... I luckily jumped out the door just before impact... I think the picture speaks more than words ever could... But I didn't get wet or hurt thank goodness... only thing that was hurt was my pride in my leet driving skills. Least I didn't get caught, lol.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A Conversation

Today I made contact. With the window open ever so slightly,

I said,
"Psst. Pssst. Hey! Hey, over here."

Frank the squirrel turned and looked at me curiously.

"Uh, yeah, hi, what do you want?" Frank the squirrel asked excitedly.

I thought for some time how else to describe how a squirrel might speak. Frank talks so fast you can hardly understand him. Like hes had about 6 and a half cups of coffee. Excitedly is all I can come up with to describe this hyper twitchiness.

So I said to him,
"I've seen you around. You wanna come over? I have a bunch of other friends over and we need a 4th person to play pinochle so we can play teams."

Frank looked at me somewhat nervously.
"You normally look at me hungrily, drooling and licking your lips. Uh, are you sure you aren't trying to invite me over to be dinner?" Frank quickly said and began to back away.

"Hey, wait come back, I don't even know your name!" I said frantically.

"My name is Charles. But most people call me Charlie." Frank the squirrel said.

"Can I call you Frank? I had a really good friend some time ago named Frank."

Frank seemed to think about this for a moment before replying. He nodded.
"I guess so. But I'm not coming over until I know its safe," and with that, Frank the squirrel disappeared back up the tree.

Blast it. I still have much work ahead of me. But at least I made contact today.
I think in order for me to get to know Frank better, I need to find a way.

A way to get outside.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My Friend, Frank

I apologize that I haven't been updating the last few days. My Mom has been using her computer just about non-stop updating her poetry, so I haven't been allowed to update anything.

So here's the deal...
I am still thinking of the perfect master plan to get this squirrel...
So far I have come up with this.

The squirrel has been named.
He will be known as Frank.

Why Frank, you may ask?
Well, I had this other friend, see?
This friend was viciously killed by my Daddy.
Poor Frank was a spider, and he was my bestest friend in the whole wide world!
Mommy just happens to be really afraid of spiders, so Daddy made Frank ride the lightning :(
Not my happiest day, I tell you. I still miss Frank.
Every day, I wonder if there is a Spider Heaven.
Will I see you again, my Frank? :(
I miss you so very much.

So anyways, I am naming this squirrel after Frank because I think the best way for me to infiltrate his defenses is for him to think that I am his bestest friend.
At least, that's what I think.
So now I need to come up with a way for me to try and befriend this squirrel from hell.
Since the weather has been getting a bit warmer, I could probably call out to him from the open window in the bedroom. I think its a good shot anyways.
Either that, or somehow find his email address or Facebook profile.
I will keep you up to date on this situation.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Thought

For some time now, I have watched him...
He teasingly jumps from branch to branch.
I need to find a way to make him pay for his atrocities.
His evils...
Sure, you may think he looks so cute, sitting there.
Taunting me.
There is evil there.
Sometimes, being so cute, can be demonic.
He will pay for his deeds.
And his evil fluffy tail...
I will come up with something.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Testing this out!

Well, hi there, my momma finally said I could start blogging so all of you out there could hear what I have to say! This should be a lot of fun!