Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Careful Planning

Holy Moly! Has it really been over a year since I've been able to sit down and update my blog? Unbelievable! I don't see how it's been so long!

First and foremost, my beloved fans, I can honestly say that I have missed you all terribly! I hope that you can forgive my long absence, as I have been one very busy kitty! I even received flowers from one of my fans!

Yay me! :D

Anyways...

I shall get into all those adventures shortly, but I have been receiving emails like crazy from all of my thousands of fans... okay... maybe a couple emails... okay... alright, fine! My uncle Brett wants to know what happened to Frank!! Okay! Happy? So we are going to be talking about my dear ol friend, err um, I mean dinner... Frank the Squirrel. My neighbor... not to be confused with Vicious Frank my scurvy squirrel!

So, a few months ago, I saw Frank again. I thought he had maybe moved away or something. He was playing cards with a few friends I guess. I approached slowly as to not cause alarm.


"Hey Frank," I said quietly, trying to not sound too hungry... errr um, I mean too excited.
"Hey... um, cat. What's your name, anyways?" Frank replied.
"Feria," I said.
"Fairy-who?" Frank asked.
"F-E-R-I-A," I said. "Feria."
"Oh, ok," Frank said as he returned to his cards.
"Can I play with you guys, Frank?" I asked.
"Um, no. Not right now anyway," Frank replied. "Go find someone else to bother."

I was hurt. And hungrier than ever! I needed to find a way to catch this demon. This demon with a fluffy tail....

So I made a phone call....




"Hello there, 'Humane Squirrel Traps Online' how may I help you?"
"Yes, I need to catch my dinner... errr um... I mean, I need to catch a squirrel that's in my yard"
There was a long pause.
"Your dinner?"
"Yes... err um, I mean no. No."
Another pause.
"Well what is it, yes or no? And just so you are aware, we don't sell our traps to people who eat squirrels, we provide all information so that the squirrel can be relocated to an area near you."
I pause for a moment, thinking.
"No."
"No?"
"I just need to get rid of Frank. I mean, the squirrel."
"You named the squirrel?" covered laughter on the line. "Are you sure you want to get rid of it after all?"
"Listen lady, I've got my Mom's, I mean, my credit card here wanting to make a purchase of one of your squirrel traps. Are we going to do business or what??"
An even longer pause.
"Can I get your zip code please?"

Score!
Now I just need to wait 7-10 business days.... err wait! I've got Mom's credit card!

Another call.
"Hello there, 'Humane Squirrel Traps Online' how may I help you?"
"Hi! I need to upgrade my order for express shipping."
"That will be $44.95 for 2 day shipping. Your order total is now $103.73."
"Okay, thanks, bye!"

Mwhahaha... This is going to be good!